Clarification
by Fourefs
Summary: "I need you to clarify something for me" she said not giving him time to even open his mouth. "Do you have to move on from me or only the job? I need to know"
1. Chapter 1

She couldn't believe what just happened. Stunned. Shocked. Frozen. Hurt. Hurt more than ever. He said things so beautiful she never heard from anyone before. And? And he walked off. Why? She wished she understood. Her rational brain was telling her to let him go, leave him be, he walked off for a reason. The reason maybe that he didn't love her the way she expected him to say when...Her eyes filled with tears. Move on? Really? She started to walk slowly away from the courthouse. She was still numb. He walked away. She was wondering how she could have been so wrong, how she misread him. Or did she? Why did he say those things and then still walked away? She wanted to understand. She walked all the way to his apartment. His doorman was outside the building smoking.

"Good afternoon, lieutenant" he said cheerfully and opened the door for her, flipping his cigarette butt to the curb at the same time. "Came to see Rafael?"

"Yes" she answered, trying not to sound too upset, but the doorman noticed something wasn't right. She was shaking, and quite possibly it wasn't because of the freezing February temperature. Her body was just trying to cope with the loss and the stress. Which worked in her favor, the doorman took pity on her.

"I'll sign you in, go ahead" he said softly.

"Thank you" she nodded to him as she walked towards the elevator. She was on autopilot. Stepped in, pressed 6 with a trembling hand. When the elevator door opened she hesitated a little but at the end she thought "what can I lose?"

She knocked on his door with a force.

He took a cab after he left Olivia. It was a good bye. It broke his heart and probably broke hers too, but he was convinced it was for the best. When he got home he dropped his coat on the couch and plopped down next to it. He didn't have the energy to do anything but stare into space in front of him. Then he heard a knock on his door. He stood up, his motions were only muscle memory and routine. He didn't think.

He opened the door in a few seconds. When she looked into his eyes and saw that they were red, that surprised her. He's been crying. It almost made her cry too but she managed to say what she came for to say.

"I need you to clarify something for me" she said not giving him time to even open his mouth. "Do you have to move on from me or only the job? I need to know" she asked mustering all her strength into her words. He was looking at her through his tears threatening to fall. He took a deep breath

"Liv, please, don't make this any harder than it is" he couldn't keep eye contact any longer. He looked down at her shoes. At the same time she reached out for both of his hands. The trembling of her hands grabbed his attention. He looked up at her.

"I can't lose you" she whispered. They were still standing in his doorway.

"Please" he pleaded with her "It's better for everybody if I just leave."

"It's not." She said softly. "Can we talk about it inside?" She still needed to understand his reasoning. But he just wanted to hide away, he wasn't sure he could take it if he let her into his apartment, back into his life. He tried to be strong. "Liv, please." His voice faltered again, he failed to be strong.

She gently pushed him backwards, walking past him into his apartment, still holding one of his hands. He closed the door. She turned around to look at him, the question still there in her eyes. She raised an eyebrow.

"I can't ruin your life." He answered, merely a whisper, but then he cleared his throat and continued "No, I won't ruin your life." He said, tears now flowing down his cheeks, he tried to wipe them away with one of his hand he managed to pull away from her grip.

"You are ruining it with walking out on me" she answered, her voice still low. Her voice gave away her feelings, she felt defeated. It wasn't cold inside, she was still wearing her coat, but she was still trembling.

"You surely don't want a disgraced, unemployed prosecutor who is a baby killer by the way in your life. And you definitely don't want me like this in Noah's life." He sounded broken and maybe a little annoyed. He didn't understand why she didn't understand. She didn't understand him either. She just shook her head in disbelief.

"I can't believe you think that." She said, stepping closer to him. "I don't care. I just want you in my life"

That was the last straw, he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight. He buried his face into the crook of her neck while she grabbed a fistful of his sweater on his back, holding onto him tight. She was crying now and it broke his heart one more time.

"I can't be in your life like this." He whispered into her hair. This made her tighten her arms around him as silent sobs shook her body. "I'm not in a good place now. It would ruin everything."

"Please don't leave me. I need you." She said into his neck, her voice muffled. He didn't really want to leave her, but he knew he was not what she needed right now. Not in his current state. He didn't know what to do. He knew that kissing her senseless right there and then, and hiding away from the world for the foreseeable future is not a solution, as much as he wanted to do just that. In the past he always disappeared to solve his problem on his own, but lately he found himself going to her more often. But unfortunately this was too big of a problem. He had to get this sorted on his own. She couldn't let her trying to fix him and risking to break her in the process.

"Let me go away for a little while to figure out what to do next, and come back as somebody who doesn't bring shame on you." He said while he kissed her temple. She turned her head trying to look at him, still holding on to him tight.

"I get it." She said quietly after a long pause. "I understand. I just want you to know that I'm always here for you no matter what." This earned her an another kiss on her temple.

"I know" he said with one more kiss. She pulled back a little, just to be able to look into his eyes. She released his sweater from her grip, flattened one of her palms on his back while the other came up to caress his cheek and run her fingers slightly through his hair.

"I am really sorry I pushed you. Not just now, with this. I know I did it a lot. Please, forgive me." She said, tears threatening to fall again as she was trying to put into words again that this mess was as much as her fault as anybody else's. "We wouldn't need to go through this if I..."

"Shh..." he put his index finger on her lips. "Shh..." he said again, changing the finger to his thumb, running it over her lips gently like a feather. He pulled her into his arms again. He didn't want to have this conversation. He was afraid he might still have a little bit of blame in him and he definitely didn't want her to know. He forgave her long time ago for bringing his walls down, for turning his life upside down and turning him into the person he is now. He blamed himself for not thinking straight though. He made a big mistake of not thinking about the consequences. He probably needed to forgive himself more than anyone.

She went back in his embrace willingly. In the back of her mind she thought if she held on to him tight enough he wouldn't leave. Which was silly to think, but she indulged in the feeling a little longer. She knew it would be over pretty soon.

They simply stood there in the middle of his living room, holding onto each other for minutes.

She broke contact first, leaning back just enough to be able to catch his eyes.

"I want you to come back." She said firmly but gently. He nodded in agreement. "Preferably soon" she added with a weak smile. She gathered all her courage and leaned towards him, then gently kissed the corner of his mouth, her lips not covering his fully but enough to express her feelings. He was too shocked to actually reciprocate the kiss, instead he stroked her hair, rested his forehead against hers. "I promise" His hand came back from her hair down to her neck, his thumb caressing her jawline.

This time he kissed her, gently, just her lips first then deepened a little when she parted her lips for him. It was short but full of promise.

"Check back in with us regularly, please." He nodded in answer. She put both his palms on his chest, giving them a little distance. She knew she would need to let him go at one point, and she was preparing herself for the pain of it, inch by inch. "A text, a photo, anything. Just so I know you are ok" she got an another nod in return. She stepped back a little, arm length. She moved her hands to his shoulders, squeezing slightly. Parting was painful, but she had to do it. She ran her hands down his upper arm, then slowed down and took both of his hands in hers. She wasn't trembling any more.

"I love you. Please don't forget that" she said with a squeeze of his hands, then she let go. Still looking in his eyes, she stepped towards the door. He followed. She turned her back towards him as she opened the door. She stepped out, turning towards him one more time.

"I love you too" he said. Her answer was only "See you soon!" as she walked away.

He kept looking at her till he lost sight of her at the elevator. She walked slowly. Her back hunched a little. She didn't look at him when she turned the corner of the corridor. He closed the door with a slightly different turmoil inside him.


	2. Chapter 2

He left month ago, but she still felt the pain. She had the opportunity to say goodbye, they told each other they loved each other and he promised he would be back, but she hasn't heard from him since and she missed him like hell.

She was slowly getting used to the feeling of not having him around, not talking to him every day. Sometimes it saddened her when she realized that life really goes on. But it does. Noah still goes to swimming practice on Saturday mornings, like he did today. She just dropped him off at the swimming pool, and was going back home with her usual coffee she always got at the usual place a block away from the swimming pool. She picked up an almond croissant as well, as usual; that bag and her keys in her hand. She walked past her doorman, smiling at him, to get to her letter box. She took out all the mail, sipped on her coffee and walked to the elevator. She was on autopilot, scanning through the mail. When the elevator arrived, she stepped in, pressed the number to her floor, sipping a little more coffee and moving her fingers through the envelopes. Just a few bills, the usual credit card offers in colorful envelopes, but then a plain white one caught her eyes. One with an all too familiar handwriting. Her eyes filled with tears, as she ran her fingers through the address lines. He wrote.

She somehow managed to stumble through her door, after clumsily putting her keys in and opening the door with coffee in one hand, mail in the other. When finally she was inside of her apartment, she blindly put the coffee cup on the shelf next to the door, and all the other envelopes fell through her fingers, landing on the floor. She never took her eyes off the one remained in her hand, the one came from him. She stepped over the fallen envelopes, sat down on her couch, coat still on, boots still on. With trembling fingers she carefully ripped the envelope open and pulled out a postcard with palm trees on it and a white sheet of paper folded in half. She quickly scanned the postcard, then put it down on the coffee table and started to read the letter. His letter.

"My dearest Liv,

I don't even know where to start. I miss you so much! You and Noah are always in my thoughts. I hope you are doing well.

I'm in Miami now, working for a nonprofit organization helping undocumented immigrants to be reunited with their kids and I'm advising them on immigration law. Or any kind if law actually, whatever they need. I think I'll stay for a few months. They need me, I do good here. I want to make up for all the bad things I've done.

This is my penance. Please, Liv, forgive me. For everything. I hope one day I'll become a person again who deserves to be around you and Noah.

With all my love,

Rafael"

She wiped the tears off her face with the back of her hand. Then reread the letter. Over and over again. She wanted to believe that he's coming back to her at one point. Hopefully soon. She folded the letter and slid it back in the envelope.

The letter ended up in her drawer in the bedroom but the postcard got pinned on the fridge, next to Noah's latest drawing. Though it was taken off almost every day for a few moments. Just for a quick read of that all too familiar handwriting on the back of it.

"Thinking of you

With all my love,

R"


	3. Chapter 3

The setting sun filtering through the blinds drew perfect parallel lines on his desk and the floor of his office he shared with 3 more attorneys. They gave the room an unusually beautiful golden glow. He liked it. It was late afternoon, most of his colleagues have already gone home. He was alone. He was methodically going through his e-mails, sorting the documents of completed cases in his archive folders when he heard a knock on the door. He looked up to find one of the interns at the door. The guy was tall, young and his longish curly hair reminded him to a certain boy in New York.

"The Gonzalez sisters are on their flight to Austin. Just talked to their parents parents on the phone, they are waiting for them at the airport." The intern said, his voice giving away his sigh of relief. Job done, he could go home or out or anything but work. They did good today.

"Congratulations, you've done it. All the kids are with their families." The intern continued after a small pause. That was the point when he released the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"We did it." He said. "Couldn't have done it without your help. Thank you!" The guy just smiled back at him then looked at the floor, still leaning at the doorframe. "Now go and celebrate!"

"You should come too, everybody is at the Blueberry Bar." The intern said.

He took a deep breath and smiled. "I have one more phone call to do. I meet you guys there." He said, closing his laptop.

"Ok, see you there." Was his intern's answer as he turned around and left.

He picked up his phone and called her.

Her phone was on silent. She just finished talking to the parents of a missing teenager and walking them out of the office when she heard the faint buzz of her phone. She stepped back to her desk after saying a quick goodbye. She almost missed his call. She didn't even look at the caller ID before she picked it up.

"Benson" she said firmly.

"Not checking caller ID still, I see" he said, with laughter in his voice.

"Rafa, hi, so good to hear your voice. No, checking caller ID takes the surprise away. I love living on the edge." She answered, laughter in her voice too. His voice did that to her. It wasn't always like this. First few times they talked since he left, there were more tears. Tears of regret, longing and healing. But slowly they - and mostly him - came to terms with all that happened and they started to just enjoy the calls and the longer and longer FaceTime conversations with each other.

"I know." He just laughed on her remark of living on the edge. "Are you at the precinct?"

"Yup" was her short answer.

"Then I'll be quick. I'm done with my last case. We did it. All the children are safe with their parents."

He really was quick, words just poured out of his mouth. The sense and joy of achievement put a little spring in his sentences.

When she heard it she just lifted her other hand to her open mouth in slight disbelief.

"Does that mean..." she trailed off, when she noticed that her voice got shaky despite the fact that what she just heard could potentially make her the happiest person in the world.

"Yes, it means..." he took a longer breath too

"Oh my god!" she whispered

"I'm coming home"

Her eyes filled with tears, and his too. But both were smiling. The widest smile in a really long time.

"When?" was the only thing she could ask. She sat down on the couch in her office.

"I need to tie up a few things, but I think I can be on a flight Friday evening." He said confidently. Four days should be enough and anyway that was the agreement with the board. He leaves as soon as everything is done. And it is.

"Good. I can deal with four days" she said, still smiling.

At the same time she heard a knock on her doorframe, Carisi signaling to her that they are ready for her to discuss the next step in the missing teenager's case.

"I'll be there in a minute" she told him. "Sorry, I have to go. Missing kid." She said to him in the phone.

"I know, Liv. Go!" He answered, fully understanding that these kind of cases are time sensitive.

"I call you back, ok? I love you" and with that she hang up the phone.

He just shook his head, with a smile on his face which will stay there for a really long while, and grabbed his jacket to join his team to celebrate.

Phone still in hand she stood up from the couch and went out to join her team. They were standing around the conference table, pulling up files on ipads and drawing timelines on the whiteboard.

"Ok, what do we got?" She asked and leaned to the side of the conference table. She put down her phone on the table and folded her arms in front of her chest.

Her phone buzzed. A message arrived and her phone screen lit up

Rafael Barba:

"I love you too. See you soon! xx"

It didn't go unnoticed by her team, as she quickly glanced at the screen of her phone, that her lips turned into a genuine happy smile.


	4. Chapter 4

She called him back late at night just after they found the missing kid. He was still at the bar, with his colleagues. He was happy, a little tipsy, and he put her on speakerphone to prove them wrong about the teasing of the existence of the mysterious woman he had in New York. They laughed, teased each other and agreed to talk the day after. He wished her sweet dreams, she told him to have one more scotch for her.

His mother called Olivia the day after, immediately after he told her that he was coming home.

He texted them his flight details, his flight was scheduled to land at Newark at 8:15PM on Friday. Lucia offered to watch Noah while she picked him up at the airport.

Everything was taken care of.

She was on her way to the airport. Finally. She knew traffic would be terrible on Friday, so she took the train from Penn Station. She didn't want to be late. And she was too tired to drive anyway.

Newark was busy as usual. She went the wrong direction first, but quickly found arrivals. She That made her wonder, she had never actually come to the airport to pick somebody up. There's a first for everything. This brought a little smile on her face.

The flight was full. He was sitting on business class though, which he was grateful for. Although it wasn't really his decision to choose, that was the only seat left on that flight. And he didn't even flinch on the price, he just wanted to be home as promised.

As they prepared for landing, the flight attendant took his empty coffee cup and he quickly gulped down the scotch before he gave the glass to her too. He was a little nervous, but the scotch and the fact that he knew she was waiting for her at the airport helped his anxiety.

When they landed, he was grateful again for being on business class, that allowed him to be one of the first ones to leave the plane.

He grabbed his backpack from the overhead compartment and started to walk out. He quickly made it through the airbridge, then the waiting area, through the shops and restaurants, desperately seeking for the exit sign. He did not forget how to walk extremely fast as New Yorkers do.

Her eyes kept going up to the arrival board, showing his flight landed at 8:17PM. She kept scanning the people coming through the automatic door. Then back to the board. Landed. Just to make sure. He must be walking out by now. The wait was killing.

When he stepped through the door, he saw her immediately. She saw him too. She didn't move but the smile on her face grew bigger and bigger with each of his steps. And his steps were at running speed at that point. When he got to her, she opened her arms and he practically flew into them. Their arms simultaneously circled around each other into the tightest hug you can imagine. He buried his face into the crook of her neck, nuzzling her hair. His hands grabbing fistfuls of her jacket on her back. Her arms were holding him impossibly close to her. She turned her head and kissed his hair.

"I missed you so much" she said, kissing his head again and again, moving towards his temple as he turned his head. He pulled back a little to be able to look into her eyes. One hand still clutching the jacket, while the other came up to stroke her hair gently. She still had the same shampoo, he thought. He loved that fragrance, it was completely her.

"I missed you too." He whispered and he slowly leaned closer. He quickly glanced at her lips then his eyes came back up to give her the most intense look she ever saw. She slowly leaned closer too, and their lips met in the middle in the sweetest and gentlest kiss they experienced in a very long time, or ever. Her left hand somehow made its way up his back and neck to his hair at his nape and at the same time she parted her lips slightly. He took it as a sign and deepened the kiss. The world seemed like non-existent for them in the heat of the moment. His lips felt soft and sweet on hers. She tasted like nobody else, he was intoxicated by her.

They parted for air after a few moments, foreheads touching and they just smiled at each other.

"You're here." She stated. More for her own belief.

"Yes. I'm here." He said and planted an other gentle kiss on her lips. "And I'm staying"

"Good" she said, moving her hands down his arms and hooked her own arm into his. "Let's get your bag and go home"

Home. During one of their phone calls he shyly mentioned that he didn't have anywhere to go and he neither felt like staying in a hotel nor moving in back with her mother after who knows how many years. Then she told him that she had been hoping that he would come home to her. He was relieved. That's exactly what he secretly hoped for too. He always felt at home when he was with her. It took him a long while and a long distance to figure it out. But he did and he couldn't be more grateful for the fact that they both wanted the same thing.

They walked arm in arm to the baggage reclaim area, shoulders touching with each step, exactly how they walked the streets of New York around the courthouses not long ago.

"How was your flight?" She asked, cheerfully, briefly looking at him while they walked.

"Long." He said with his usual sass "But flying on business class helped. Free booze."

She laughed.

"Glad you enjoyed!"

"Actually the food was spectacular." He said with a side glance, and she knew he was joking. Although she knew that it wouldn't matter what snacks you put in front of him he would eat it.

"I can't comment, I never flew business before"

"Well, I might treat you to one one day" an another side glance, with that signature loop-sided smile she loved so much.

"Really?" She asked playfully "You would?"

"Yes, start to think about possible destinations" this wasn't actually a bad idea, he thought. He would love to spend a vacation with her at one point. An image of them lounging in a hammock and watching the sunset on a beach in Costa Rica crept into his mind.

"Oh, I have a whole list of destinations, you'd be surprised!" And he was by her answer. For some reason he thought travel wasn't her biggest dream.

"Although you just got back, let's not go anywhere just yet" she said trying to sound easy, but he didn't miss a hint of sadness in her tone. He panicked a little.

"Not even a luxury vacation on a tropical island?" Was his desperate try to drive her away from dark thoughts.

"Ask me again in January, when it's freezing" when she said that he felt relieved. The last thing he wanted to do was making her sad and bring up bad memories.

"Good point. And I will" he said softly. He still wanted to treat her with anything good in the world, he would try to make up for the ordeal he put them through with his last breath. They got down the escalator in silence, welcoming the distraction of the luggage conveyor belts. It was not the time nor the place for a deeper discussion, none of them were ready to talk about anything related to the last few months events just yet.

"I think it's on number 4" he said looking up at the board signaling the baggage reclaims for each flight.

"Yeah, that way" she pointed after quickly scanning through the hall.

While they were waiting for his luggage, she snuck an arm around his waist and he did the same, pulling her closer. She rested her head on his shoulder while he kissed her temple. Her other hand found his, squeezing it slightly as she looked up into his eyes with a smile.

"What?" He asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"Nothing" She said hesitantly "it's just" another pause "It's silly. I keep checking that you are really here."

"Oh, I am here." He said with his signature loop-sided smirk and he slowly captured her lips with his in a searing kiss.

"Yes, you are." She snuggled closer.

"That's mine" he said when he spotted his big suitcase sliding down to the conveyor belt. He stepped away from her but holding her hand as long as it was possible.

"Let me get an uber then" she pulled out her phone from her pocket when he released her hand, and quickly requested a ride. In the meantime he got his bag and stepped back to her. "It's 5 minuets away. Let's go!"

He took her hand again and they started to walk out.

When they got into the car, she snuggled close to him, not letting his hand go the whole ride.

"So, just to prepare you, your mom is watching Noah at my place while I'm picking you up." she said.

"Okay" he said dragging out each syllable a little. He knew his mother would have a heart to heat with him at on point and it wouldn't be easy.

"Noah is probably up, he can't wait to see you"

"I can't wait to see him either" he said with a genuine smile "I've got him something." He pulled out a box from the front pocket of his backpack.

"Oh you got him the Miami PD car!" She said surprised. "He's gonna love it! Do you know how many times he asked if you'd still remember that he wanted one?!"

"Yeah, he might have mentioned it a few times to me too and I think my mother warned me at least twice last week not to forget it either." He said, laughing. He kissed her temple again as she snuggled back in beside him, the gift in her hand. She handed it back to him, fingers brushing in exchange. He put it back in the backpack.

As they neared the tunnel, he looked out the window of the car to see the Manhattan skyline. She was watching him taking in the view. Then he turned his head back towards her.

"I missed this city" he said quietly. "But mostly I missed you." He said after a pause. "I hope you can forgive me for what I put you through." He had to say it. He knew that he had chosen the easy way to say it, in the dark in the back of a taxi, but seeing the city overwhelmed him a little and he just had to risk it.

"I already have." She told him while she sat up straighter on the back seat next to him and put her hands on each side of his face. It surprised him a little. He expected to be scolded. Instead her thumbs caressed his cheeks and she kissed him briefly but deeply. "I ask one thing though. Please don't do that again. I won't survive an other goodbye."

He knew it wasn't necessarily true, she was a fighter, she would survive anything, she is the strongest woman he'd ever met, but the look on her face made him realize that she genuinely believes that losing him would be the end of her. That broke his heart and made him realize that no matter what, he would be by her side till the end. She needed him, as much as he needed her.

"I won't, I swear." He said pulling her closer to him.

They sat quietly for the last few minutes of their ride. Olivia told the driver which building to stop in front of. The driver helped him to get his luggage from the trunk while they got out. Before he grabbed the handle of the suitcase he looked up the building taking in the all too familiar lights. He loved the city in the fall. He felt so happy being back. He took a deep breath.

"One more thing before we go up." He said, grabbing her hand to get her attention. She looked at him, question in her eyes. "I love you, Liv." He blurted out. He told him many times before on the phone, in text messages, but this was the first time in person for a really long time. He wanted her to know how he felt. He was planning to tell her and show her as often as possible.

She squeezed his hand in return.

"I love you too." She whispered, before she leaned close to him to plant a sweet little kiss on the corner of his mouth. That was enough of reassurance for him. He slowly let her hand go and put it on the small of her back.

"Let's go" He said, smiling.

When they entered her apartment, luggage in tow, smile on their faces, a very sleepy Noah greeted him. He was snuggled to the side of Lucia, half watching a movie, half dozing off clutching his plush elephant. It took him a minute to process who had just walked through the door. It didn't take that much for Lucia though. As much as she was mad at him, it melted her heart to see his son after seven months. Noah jumped up, bouncing up on the sofa, as Lucia stood up too. Rafael took a few steps around the coffee table to meet them.

"Uncle Rafa!" He exclaimed, throwing his arms up to signal that he wanted to hug him. And he obliged.

"Hey kiddo!" Was his answer. The kid quickly ended up in his arms, burying his head in the crook of his neck when Lucia stepped closer and put a hand on his back. He looked at his mother softly. "Hola, Mami..."

Then she stepped one more step closer, planted a loving kiss on his son's cheek.

"Welcome back!" She said, hugging him and Noah as well.

Rafael stroke Noah's hair gently, and gave a kiss back on his mother's cheek. Noah pulled back a little so Rafael put him back on the sofa and looked at him.

"You grew so much!" He said with more enthusiasm to cover the crack in his voice caused by the emotions of seeing him and his mother.

He ruffled his hair again with one hand and took his mothers with the other. He quickly looked at Olivia.

Olivia just smiled at the scene unfolding in front of her, still clutching the handle of Rafael's suitcase.

He plopped down the sofa next to Noah, still holding his mom's hand. She followed quickly too.

"You guys catch up, I go change, ok?" Olivia told them and started to wheel his suitcase with her towards the bedroom. Once in there she pushed the suitcase close to the bed, running her fingers through the top of it. She took off her work shoes, her jacket and blouse, dropped everything into her laundry basket and put on a blue knit sweater she had already on her bed. She sat down on the bed for a few seconds, took a few deep breaths to steady herself. She stood finally and quickly glanced in the mirror on the wall next to the door and walked back to the living room barefoot. She saw that her son was already playing with the police car he got him as a present and he is quietly telling his mother about the work he has done.

She walked over to them slowly, giving them a little more private time. When she got behind the sofa, she softly touched both of their shoulders, but only for a quick question.

"Can I get you anything? Something to drink? Are you hungry?"

"No, thank you, my dear." Said Lucia looking up at her woth a soft smile. "Come sit with us!"

"In a minute" said Liv "I'm actually a little hungry. Let me grab something."

"Of course." Lucia squeezed Liv's hand which was still resting on her shoulder, while Liv looked at Rafael for his answer.

"Can I get a glass of water?" He asked quietly.

"Yup" and she turned, leaving them again. She grabbed the jug from the fridge and poured some water for both of them. She had a few sips while she got around the breakfast bar back to them, handing his glass to him, fingers brushing slightly in the process. Then she walked back in the kitchen. As she put the jug back, she started to look for some food. She knew as soon as he saw it he would want it to, so she opted for something to share.

She pulled out the leftover brie and Swiss cheese, an apple and some grapes. She busied herself with cutting the cheese in cubes to give mother and son some time.

She was slicing the apple when she noticed that he glanced back at her over his shoulder. She smiled. Oddly this little something was one of the most affectionate thing she experienced in a long while.

She held his gaze a little bit, then went back to prepare the food. She unceremoniously threw all the cheese and fruits on a plate and grabbed a box of crackers from the cupboard and made her way towards the sofa.

She put the plate and the crackers down and ruffled Noah's hair as she sat down on the coffee table so she could see everybody.

"Momma, look!" Her son came over to her, showing her his new toy. "You can open the front doors! It's so cool!"

"It is. Did you say thank you to Uncle Rafa?" She asked casually.

"Of course, he did." Chimed in Rafael, and Noah smiled at him.

"Good" she said "15 more minutes play and it's bedtime, ok?"

"Ok" he said a little sadly. He turned to Rafael though. "Can you help me build a garage for the car?"

"Of course. Where are your legos?" He asked standing up from the sofa and sitting on the floor next to the coffee table. He picked up the plate, popped a couple of cubes of cheese in his mouth together with a couple of grapes, then handed it to Liv with a smile. Liv in the meantime moved over to the sofa and sat down next to Lucia, who had a knowing smile in her eyes. She put down the plate between her and Lucia, snacking on it too.

Noah got his legos on the coffee table already, and the boys started to pick out the necessary pieces from the box. They were working in sync, chatting quietly.

"Thank you very much for watching him tonight!" Olivia told Lucia, genuine gratitude in her voice.

"My pleasure. He is such a lovely little boy" She said, looking at them playing lego on the table. Who would have thought? She mused.

"Did I tell you about when I first gave Noah to Rafael to hold him?" Asked Olivia, noticing that Lucia was watching his son the same way she was watching Noah. Mother's love, she thought, doesn't change.

"No, you didn't" she laughed "What did he do?"

"He held him away from him like he was ready to explode. He came over to discuss something, I was trying to find a file or something for him and I might have been deliberately slow doing it. It was so funny."

"I bet!" Lucia said, laughing.

"But he came around" Olivia said with fondness in her voice, smiling tenderly at the two boys.

"Yes, he did." Agreed the older woman. "Thank you for bringing him back home." She said quietly, reaching above the plate to squeeze her hand. Olivia looked back at her, same tender smile on her face, which will be really hard to wipe off.

"No problem. I had my selfish reasons too." That brought up a genuine laugh in Lucia. Selfish. That's not the word she had in mind for her love of his son.

"Momma, look!" Exclaimed Noah enthusiastically as Rafael lifted up the completed lego garage, with red roof and all.

"That looks awesome. You boys did a great job!" She said. "But it's time for bed."

"Ok" Noah said, with a little disappointment, but his voice was tired. Not surprisingly, it was past 11PM. Olivia stood. Noah swapped places with her, went over to Lucia and gave her a hug and said good night. This warmed Rafael's heart. He didn't realize that his mom developed quite a relationship with the son of his love. This was the reassurance he needed. Things are good. He might not deserve it, but he was grateful for this. He would give up everything he had for this. For his family. Noah came over to him in the meantime, hugging him tightly too.

"Sweet dreams, Noah" Rafael said, kissing the side of the boy's head.

"See you in the morning"

"Sweet dreams, Uncle Rafa"

With that he started to walk towards his bedroom. Liv followed, ruffling the boys hair. Rafael moved back on the couch, taking Liv's place, to sit next to his mother. He popped a cracker and a cheese cube in his mouth before putting the plate on the coffee table.

"So," Lucia started "are you staying here?"

"Yes," Rafael answered easily "This is my new home now. Can you believe that?" His mom just laughed. "Mami, it all feels so surreal. Six month ago I thought my whole life was over. And now..." he trailed off, not being able to put his feelings and thoughts into words. His mother pulled him into her embrace. They just held each other, not able to put their feelings into words. He pulled back after a few moments, looking into his mother's eyes. "Mami, I'm so afraid something bad is going to happen. I don't want to screw this up."

"Shh, you can't think like that." She squeezed his hand. "They both love you. You love them. You figure the rest out. Just don't overthink it."

He chuckled. If only pit was that simple.

"Yes, I love them more than anything" he confessed. He never knew he could feel this way. This was a whole new level of relationships. There was a little human being involved in it depending on him too.

"And you know I'm just a phone-call away." She said like she could read his mind. Maybe mother's really can read their children's mind.

"I know. Thank you!" She could hear the gratitude in his voice. He took a deep breath before he put in words what he wanted to say to his mother for a long while now "Mami, I owe you an apology too. I'm so sorry for what I put you through. I really am." He was looking down feeling ashamed.

"Oh Rafi" she grabbed his hand. The anger was long gone. She felt sorry for his son, for what he put himself through. She knew how hard he could be on himself. And she felt sorry for the time and the struggle he would still face with Olivia while they work through it.

"Liv told me she had forgiven me already. I hope it's true and I hope you can too."

"Of course!" She said "As I told you before, what you did was right but how you did it was totally stupid. But it's over now and I hope you've learned from it." She said, wise as always.

"I have."

Olivia walked back to the living room. It didn't take too long for Noah to fall asleep.

"Out like a light." She said when they both looked at her at the same time.

"I should go. It's late." Lucia stated, standing up.

"Are you sure? You are more than welcome to stay. I can pull out the couch for you." Asked Liv, genuinely worrying about her to travel that late.

"That's very kind of you but I really should go." The older woman answered. She knew that she should give space for the two of them. She preferred to sleep in her own bed anyway.

"I don't blame you, I'm not sure how comfortable that couch is" he said

"I call you tomorrow. Shall we have lunch on Monday?"

"That would be great!" Lucia answered, stepping closer to the door.

"Let me get you a taxi." He offered, pulling his phone from his pocket.

"Thank you, I won't say no to that."

He tapped it a few times, all the addresses already saved in the app made it easy.

"It's going to be here in 5 minutes"

"Great, let me grab my coat" she said while she moved towards the coat rack. Rafael followed her, but Liv stayed behind, watching then from next to the couch.

"I'm so glad you are home and I'm happy for you and Olivia." She said to his son quietly. He just gave her a hug in return.

"I love you, Mami!"

"I love you too." She said, pulling back "Bye Olivia!"

"Text me when you get home" Liv said, genuinely caring about her safety.

"See you on Monday!" Lucia said turning back towards her son, while opening the door.

"Good night" he said.

"Good night" she answered as she walked towards the elevator.

He slowly closed the door behind her and turned around. She took a few strides to meet him halfway. As she reached him, she stopped only an inch away from him, then put her palmas on his chest first but then slowly moved up an circled her arms around his neck while his arms made their way around her waist.

"Welcome home!" She said, her voice low, while she leaned in and kissed him tenderly.

"Thank you" he said, emphasizing the sentiment with one more kiss. "Aren't you going to give me the grand tour?" He said mischievously.

"I am." She laughed, then she gestured around the room with her hands before they quickly went back around his neck. "Here, nothing changed"

"Nope, nothing changed" he agreed, and pulled her tight in his embrace.

"Hang on" he pulled back a little, looking at her, slowly smoothing a lose strand of her hair behind her ear. "I've got a little something for you too." He said, stepping away from her to his backpack which was lying on the floor next to the coffee table he was building a lego garage on minutes before. He squat down and pulled out a small burgundy colored velvet pouch from one of the inside pockets next to his laptop. He stood and handed the gift to her, smiling.

"You shouldn't have" she said taking the gift but not breaking the eye contact with him. He saw something glistening in her eyes. "You are the perfect gift for me"

"Are you getting sappy on me?" He asked, trying to lighten the mood, stroking her upper arms.

"Nope, I'm still badass" she answered with mock seriousness.

"Open it" he asked, really wanted to see her reaction.

She fumbled with the pouch a little and pulled out a simple yellow gold chain with a four-sided bar on it. The bar was horizontally attached to the chain and a few tiny little diamond like crystals were glistening on one end of it on each side. It looked like that end of the bar was dunk into sugar. It was a great contemporary design. On two sides of the four she noticed that there were numbers engraved on the bar. They looked like dates. She slowly traced her index finger over the engravement. She looked up at him, speechless, question in her eyes.

"I saw it on a street fair, the lady who makes them personalized it for me. I asked her to put two dates on it for you. One is when we met and the other is when you brought Noah home." He was rambling a little, nervous about that maybe she didn't like it, maybe he overstepped the boundaries with one of the dates, but she quickly interrupted his thoughts.

"Oh my god" she said, hardly believing how thoughtful he was. Since she gave away her "fearless" necklace, she didn't really have any jewelry which bore any significance for her. But this was perfect. "It's so beautiful" she said softly, looking up in his eyes.

"You are beautiful" was his answer before she could say anything else. And he meant it. She was the most beautiful woman he ever met. Beautiful inside out.

"Thank you!" She whispered in return, thanking for both the gift and the compliment.

"You are welcome" he said, smiling gently at her.

"Can you help put it on?" she asked

"Of course, turn around" he said, taking the necklace from her while she obliged. As he put the necklace around her neck, one of her hand moved to it to hold it in place while with her other hand she pulled her hair to the side out of her neck. He couldn't help but admire the view. He clasped it at the back of her neck, slowly tracing his fingers on her skin next to the sparkling gold chain. Then he couldn't resist any longer, he stepped a little closer, leaned in and planted a soft kiss on her neck. Then an other one, his lips lingering there a little longer. She tilted her head and neck a little, subconsciously giving him better access. Her hand moved from the necklace back up to his arm, keeping him in place. That was enough of a cue for him to continue kissing her neck. She leaned back into him and made a sound so delicate he never heard from her before. His hands slowly circled around her waist, pulling her impossibly close to him, one arm tracing dangerously but sweetly close just under her breasts.

"Shall we..." he started, wanted to finish with suggesting to take it to her bedroom but before he could say anything, she turned around and kissed him passionately. She only broke the kiss for air.

"Yes" she breathed out, then kissed him again "we should" she continued when they came up for air again. But then his lips found her neck again, and when he kissed that sensitive and sweet pulse point just behind her ear at her hairline, the only thing she could say was "oh, my..."

He pulled her closer to him, her hands were in his hair and she was lost as his mouth found her collarbone.

Then he suddenly stepped away, angled his body towards her bedroom, holding his hand out to her to take.

"Would you let me show you how much I love you?" He asked

"I want nothing more" she said

And she took his hand willingly.


End file.
